Ok I admit I got a little carried away with this post. Anyone that knows me knows I could go on all day on this subject, but i managed to narrow it down to 6 points of emphasis. These are just my opinions based on my own experiences and the experiences of friends that often come to me for advice. If you disagree, feel free to comment.
So you’re wondering why you have such bad luck with love? Here’s a hint: GRAB A MIRROR. 9 times out of 10 you are sabotaging your own happiness. Too many people over think when it comes to relationships. Most people don’t even know what love is. Well, I can tell you what it’s not. Love is not a business transaction. Love is not a beauty pageant. Love is not what you see in movies or read in those freaky little romance books (Yeah I know the type of nasty shit you women read). And it definitely doesn’t happen at first sight. That would be lust you’re thinking of.
Love is not something that you do, it’s something that happens. The problem is, you are probably doing way too much. Most people can’t find love because they are the ones that keep getting in its way. Get out of the way and let it happen.
The Greatest Love Of All
Before you can really be successful in love, you have to be able to love yourself. We all have insecurities, some of us just allow our insecurities to consume us. Ladies: When your man says you look fine, don’t insist that you look fat. That shit is annoying. We all have our flaws. If you have someone willing to accept yours don’t fight it with skepticism. And don’t let your personal insecurities cause you to become suspicious and jealous of your man/woman. You being unhappy with yourself does not automatically mean the other person is as well. The bottom line is if you don’t like something about yourself, change it. Or accept that you can’t change it and move the hell on. If you can’t love you, why the hell should I?
Fuck Your Type
I hear a lot of people saying “He/she just isn’t my type”. Well I just want to take this time to say as clearly as I possibly can, FUCK YOUR SO CALLED “TYPE”. If you’ve been unsuccessful in love just ask yourself one question “How well have my past relationships turned out with my type?” Maybe your “type” is just not right for you. Maybe your “type” is just a bunch of bullshit. Maybe it’s time to stop looking for those you are most attracted to and find someone you are attracted to enough. Once you shed these silly notions of what your type is you might be able to focus on the things that actually matter in a relationship. You have to have a proper sense of priorities. While you’re spewing your “Men/women ain’t shit” nonsense, it’s actually your choice in men/women that ain’t shit. So fuck your type, and while you’re at it, fuck your list too. Learn from Chili ladies and gentlemen.
The Root Of Evil
Now I ain’t saying you’re a gold digger….Actually that’s exactly what I’m saying.
Some people base all of their relationship decisions on money and actually expect to make a real connection. If a man knows he got you because of money, he feels like he just bought you. Therefore, you are more like property to him than a spouse, and you will be treated a such. (I don’t mean to sound sexist, but this is primarily an issue I‘ve heard from women) Yes, money is an important issue in relationships. But wealth is not. Everyone wants wealth but no one wants to work for it.
If you’re making $50,000/yr, why exactly can you not date someone making less than $80,000/yr? How can you hold someone else to a higher standard than you do yourself? If you make $50,000, and your spouse makes $50,000, that’s $100,000/yr. What family can’t live comfortably on $100,000/yr? Shit, the Octomom could live on that. Even if you are making $60,000/yr and they are making $40,000 *Counts on fingers* Yep the sum is still the same. The problem is that people refuse to live within their means regardless of how much or little they have. How about worrying about staying out of debt and being stable first. If people actually had their priorities in order and managed what they do have properly they would be able to work their way up to the life they desire to have. Everyone wants to get rich quick though. The reality is most of you reading this will never even come close to being rich.
And I’m sick of hearing “Ms. Independent” talking about how she needs a man to support her. If you’re so independent, support yourself.
Get Over It
We have to learn to let the past remain just that. We all know the story. “I’ve been hurt too many times so I’ve put up these emotional walls” Well, while you’re worrying about letting people in, the walls you put up are only serving to make you a prisoner of your past. You can’t hold a man/woman responsible for what someone else did to you in the past. So you had some heart breaks. Get over it. You may have had a rough child hood. Get over it. Your dad wasn’t around or wasn’t the man you wanted him to be so now you’re a full time shone seeking the attention daddy never gave you? That’s sad and all, and I feel for you. But I’m still going to tell you to kick rocks if you smashed the homies. Women have done you wrong in the past so now you sleep with everything walking so u don’t get hurt. GTFOHWTBS! We’ve all had bad experiences at one time or another. Learn from it. Some relationships just aren’t meant to be. Just be glad that you were able to get out of the relationship and have another chance to get it right. Just don’t fuck it up.
Mathematics
What’s that you say? You only date guys with bodies like Terry Crews? I never would have guessed with that vicious muffin top you keep flashing me. Excuse me? You only date girls that look like they just walked off the runway? But you look like Flava Flav’s illegitimate down syndrome baby. The expectations or so called “standards” some people have baffle me. I mean don’t get me wrong, we all have preferences. We don’t all, however, have options. And when we do they aren’t usually as vast as some people make them seem. They're called your DREAM guy/girl for a reason. At some point you have to WAKE UP!
It really boils down to simple mathematics.
We’re all familiar with the 10 pt scale ranking attractiveness. Well the important thing is to know generally where you fall on that scale. You may rate yourself an 8. Others may rate you a 7 or 9. But generally you have a sense of where you stand. But if you think you’re a 9 and others see you as a 5 or 6, you are a tad bit delusional. There’s nothing wrong with having high self esteem but let’s keep it realistic. At best you can hope get someone a couple numbers above you based on other factors like personality, intellect, talent, sense of humor, or just personal preference, Guys, we all want the Stacy Dash’s of the world. But if you are a 6 you might need to aim a little lower. No, actually aim a lot lower. Women, I know you want Denzel or Trey Songz or whatever, but they have the pick of the litter & if you’re the runt you’re probably out of luck. Please don’t let Tiny fill your head with false hope. That goon/goblin hybrid is an exception. These happen rarely. She didn’t always look so horrible. Plus there’s a kid involved. Bottom line: Don’t expect lightning to strike you this time. If you’re a 7, what makes you too good for a 7? If you expect someone to accept you & look past your flaws, you have to be willing to do the same. It's not settling it's called a compromise. Or reality. Or just plain logic. If you’re a 6 and you don’t want another six, what makes you think a 10 is going to want to be with your 6? That just don’t add up.
Categorical imperative
Ok, this is the important part so try to keep up.
In Immanuel Kant’s system of morality, in order to ensure moral behavior one must "Act only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law." So if your actions could not become the basis for a universal law of morality, you should not act in that manner. This is what he refers to as the Categorical Imperative. Based on this, the only morally just way to treat others is to treat them as means in themselves rather than merely a means to further ends.
Within the setting of a relationship, this prevents one’s acts from being corrupted by selfish motives. Most people get into relationships for selfish reasons. For some people it’s for sex. For others it’s because they’re lonely and looking for companionship. Some people just desire financial stability. In either case the other person is merely a means to achieving that particular end. Relationships, especially marriages, are hard to maintain when one or both partners feel like they are being used. But if each partner feels like they are themselves ends, they will be more willing to pursue each other’s alternative ends together, and will enjoy greater success in this pursuit.
In order to achieve different results in love, you have to actually do something different. You can’t keep doing what you’re doing expecting different results. It’s the classic definition of insanity. It’s simple, either make a change or start collecting cats now, because that may be all you have to look forward to. Yeah, I said it.
